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'THE SPECK' - HOPE AFTER LOSS

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month and one of our own moms from Woodbridge, Rachel Leszczynski, wrote an article about her grief, her challenges and how her loss has affected her life and how she is slowly making amends. We want to help spread the awareness of pregnancy and infant loss and to let others now it's not a deep dark secret to held inside, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

THE SPECK

When I thought about writing about hope after loss, I was having a hard time coming up with ideas. All I could think about was how difficult it is to have hope after a tragedy. And losing a child is a tragedy like no other. When Carsen was born still, my world was shattered beyond repair and my soul felt broken. People talk about waves of grief, and the waves after the loss of a baby feel like enormous tsunamis, taking your breath away and blinding you from the rest of the world. Hope seems like an impossibility, perhaps just a speck of dust far off on the horizon. Almost invisible.

But that speck is still there. Maybe there will be some days that you’ll forget it’s there, the days when your grief is the strongest or when your fear of holding onto that hope is just too overwhelming. Those days, when the darkness of grief is too heavy, perhaps you’ll need to have help carrying the light of hope. My wish for you is that you have those people in your life who are willing to help you carry that hope. All it takes is one person.

There will eventually be other days when you’ll look and notice that speck is just a little bit bigger than it once was, a little bit brighter. Embrace those moments. Know that holding onto what hope you can is not a betrayal to the baby you lost. Having hope for the future does not mean that you’ve forgotten about your baby or “moved on” - there is no such thing.

What it does mean is that your grief no longer weighs you down and prevents you from living. Life after loss will never feel the same as it did before your world was shattered, and you may not want it to, but finding hope again can help you truly live. Your baby knows that you’ll always bring his memory with you, no matter how much hope you’ve managed to carry as well.

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